Living in Australia for an English lass is a bit scary sometimes.
However gorgeous this country is, with its beautiful landscapes and oceans and all the colourful wildlife, I can't help but think of the many other things that might want to bite / hurt me in some way.
You know, like Sharks, Jelly fish, Snakes and even Crocodiles up north. I recently found out that the humble looking Platypus has a potent toxin that dissolves flesh stored in little spurs on the back of its legs. Dissolves flesh, people.
Yeah, not so cute now, with their little beaks, flippers and flesh melting venom.
This semi-irrational fear of certain creature here is a fairly recent phenomonon.
When I was 14 and no real concept of mortality, I even swam with sharks in an aquarium once in Florida on a family holiday. It was cool to see the funny looking hammerheads mosey on by underneath me.
There is one thing here that freaks me out more than anything else.
Spiders.
Yeah, you knew that I'd left one out.
Now, I'm not an arachnophobe by any means, but if there is a spider above a certain size and it happens to be coming towards me at a certain speed, you will see just how fast I can move.
In England, there are some pretty big spiders in the countryside but they're usually not too bad
Here, on the other hand; not only are they much, much bigger, they can kill you. Or at least cause a whole lot of pain.
This just adds a whole other dimension to the usually illogical fear of something a fraction my size.
So, you'll understand that when I say I freaked out in said story below; you can understand that I really freaked out. Like properly. With high pitched noises and arm flapping.
Anyway, it was night time and Shane and I were driving back from visiting friends who live in the countryside. Their house is a property and at the back of it is tropical rainforest, dense with greenery and living things that hoot, call and rummage around. Lots of nature basically, you get the idea.
So, we're on our way home and had been in the car for about 20 mins. Shane was driving.
Suddenly, in the corner of my eye, I see a very long leg slowly stretch its way into a big step towards me. It was almost theatrical the way this leg moved. Slowly, carefully, with purpose.
Shane said that I moved like an eel and in one fluid movement that took about half a second I was in the back seat behind him.
In my best, 'trying to be calm but panicking inside' voice I told him to pull over. We were driving on the motorway so it took a long minute or two.
I didn't want to tell him what it was until we had pulled over. In my mind it would have been dangerous as he may have freaked out like I did.
An eternity later, when we finally manage to pull over and the light goes on, we can properly see it.
Right between the window and the windshield was a massive, enormous, gigantic huntsman spider.
It was so big it almost barked at us.
We tried (when I say we, I mean Shane) to get it out of the car gently with a stick but it scampered away into a nook. They have a very large leg span but can become freakishly flat when they want. Allowing them to hide out in tiny spaces waiting to ambush at their own leisure.
So, after succumbing to our new little friends stubborness / shyness, we got back in the car (me in the back) and drove for another 30 minutes. In the dark. Not knowing where he was.
Somehow, we made it home in a relatively calm state cradled by the what you can't see can't hurt you theory.
The next morning we got up early to go for breakfast out and I said that I wanted to drive because Jeff (Yeah, we named him Jeff) had been on the passenger side when he had tried to 'play' with us.
I had a quick look in the car and could see no hairy legs poking out from anywhere (discounting Shane's) so I jumped in and made the optimistic / flimsy conclusion that Jeff must have gone on to greener pastures.
It happened when I was just about to pull away from the kerb. Thank god I wasn't actually driving.
It was the tone of Shanes voice that made me stop more than actually what he said.
"Don't move"
I turned to him slowly and saw that his gaze was towards me yet not quite on me. It was focused on something just behind my head.
So, in about 0.25 of a second, I undid my seatbelt and poured my floppy self out of the car and shut the door.
As I turned around to look at where Shane was looking at, I see him.
Jeff, our new friend, giant arachnid and play mate.
With his set of uber long, over friendly legs and disarming smile.
Just perched on my seat, hanging out.
After some fairly girly squeels, aforementioned arm flapping and solid heart beating from me, I manage to get my act together. Now, apologies to my braver sisters out there before I make this comment, but thank God for boys.
Shane managed to catch it this time and once it was in the safety of a tupperware container.
I could satisfy my curiosity and get a close up. Jeff was pretty big. He was pretty hairy but he was also kind of chilled and didn't seem to mind so much when we relocated him to a nearby tree.
Shane said that just before I had pulled away from the kerb he saw Jeff on the side of my headrest with one leg, tentatively in the air just about to set off on an exploration in the curly mess that is my hair.
Apparently, as I read later on that day when I was torturing myself with pictures and information on huntsmans; I found out that huntsman spiders have a 'cling reflex' when startled or threatened and once they clamp on it is really hard to get them to let go.
I think I was about 1 second away from becoming a traumatised, fully fledged arachnophobe.
However gorgeous this country is, with its beautiful landscapes and oceans and all the colourful wildlife, I can't help but think of the many other things that might want to bite / hurt me in some way.
You know, like Sharks, Jelly fish, Snakes and even Crocodiles up north. I recently found out that the humble looking Platypus has a potent toxin that dissolves flesh stored in little spurs on the back of its legs. Dissolves flesh, people.
Yeah, not so cute now, with their little beaks, flippers and flesh melting venom.
This semi-irrational fear of certain creature here is a fairly recent phenomonon.
When I was 14 and no real concept of mortality, I even swam with sharks in an aquarium once in Florida on a family holiday. It was cool to see the funny looking hammerheads mosey on by underneath me.
There is one thing here that freaks me out more than anything else.
Spiders.
Yeah, you knew that I'd left one out.
Now, I'm not an arachnophobe by any means, but if there is a spider above a certain size and it happens to be coming towards me at a certain speed, you will see just how fast I can move.
In England, there are some pretty big spiders in the countryside but they're usually not too bad
Here, on the other hand; not only are they much, much bigger, they can kill you. Or at least cause a whole lot of pain.
This just adds a whole other dimension to the usually illogical fear of something a fraction my size.
So, you'll understand that when I say I freaked out in said story below; you can understand that I really freaked out. Like properly. With high pitched noises and arm flapping.
Anyway, it was night time and Shane and I were driving back from visiting friends who live in the countryside. Their house is a property and at the back of it is tropical rainforest, dense with greenery and living things that hoot, call and rummage around. Lots of nature basically, you get the idea.
This may or may not have been lurking in said woods.
So, we're on our way home and had been in the car for about 20 mins. Shane was driving.
Suddenly, in the corner of my eye, I see a very long leg slowly stretch its way into a big step towards me. It was almost theatrical the way this leg moved. Slowly, carefully, with purpose.
Shane said that I moved like an eel and in one fluid movement that took about half a second I was in the back seat behind him.
In my best, 'trying to be calm but panicking inside' voice I told him to pull over. We were driving on the motorway so it took a long minute or two.
I didn't want to tell him what it was until we had pulled over. In my mind it would have been dangerous as he may have freaked out like I did.
An eternity later, when we finally manage to pull over and the light goes on, we can properly see it.
Right between the window and the windshield was a massive, enormous, gigantic huntsman spider.
It was so big it almost barked at us.
We tried (when I say we, I mean Shane) to get it out of the car gently with a stick but it scampered away into a nook. They have a very large leg span but can become freakishly flat when they want. Allowing them to hide out in tiny spaces waiting to ambush at their own leisure.
So, after succumbing to our new little friends stubborness / shyness, we got back in the car (me in the back) and drove for another 30 minutes. In the dark. Not knowing where he was.
Somehow, we made it home in a relatively calm state cradled by the what you can't see can't hurt you theory.
The next morning we got up early to go for breakfast out and I said that I wanted to drive because Jeff (Yeah, we named him Jeff) had been on the passenger side when he had tried to 'play' with us.
I had a quick look in the car and could see no hairy legs poking out from anywhere (discounting Shane's) so I jumped in and made the optimistic / flimsy conclusion that Jeff must have gone on to greener pastures.
It happened when I was just about to pull away from the kerb. Thank god I wasn't actually driving.
It was the tone of Shanes voice that made me stop more than actually what he said.
"Don't move"
I turned to him slowly and saw that his gaze was towards me yet not quite on me. It was focused on something just behind my head.
So, in about 0.25 of a second, I undid my seatbelt and poured my floppy self out of the car and shut the door.
As I turned around to look at where Shane was looking at, I see him.
Jeff, our new friend, giant arachnid and play mate.
With his set of uber long, over friendly legs and disarming smile.
Just perched on my seat, hanging out.
After some fairly girly squeels, aforementioned arm flapping and solid heart beating from me, I manage to get my act together. Now, apologies to my braver sisters out there before I make this comment, but thank God for boys.
Shane managed to catch it this time and once it was in the safety of a tupperware container.
I could satisfy my curiosity and get a close up. Jeff was pretty big. He was pretty hairy but he was also kind of chilled and didn't seem to mind so much when we relocated him to a nearby tree.
Jeff
Apparently, as I read later on that day when I was torturing myself with pictures and information on huntsmans; I found out that huntsman spiders have a 'cling reflex' when startled or threatened and once they clamp on it is really hard to get them to let go.
I think I was about 1 second away from becoming a traumatised, fully fledged arachnophobe.
Replaced memory of Jeff due to combination of traumatic memory relocation and Shane's impressions of a slightly morose spider who just wanted to play.
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